“Aren’t you even ashamed your family laid you to rest in this disgrace of a coffin?”
“Hmmm, Kubi! I was shocked when those fools placed me in this ugly thing they call a coffin! How could they do this to me? After all the money I left behind, they couldn’t buy me a coffin made of gold? Good riddance! Look
at that useless handle! I swear if I should ever go back to life I would slap my children to their senses” Oliver replied his friend.
“Do you know when Felix died his family bought him a coffin worth $20,000? Do you also know that Monica’s coffin cost $25,000?” Kubi retorted holding his best friend’s hand. Oliver had died a month ago and his family gave him a poorly organised funeral.
The land of the dead was a dark and gravity-defying world lined up with darker bulbs. The lights that brightened the place came from sad ghosts who floated around waiting for loved ones who had refused to die. The ghosts had the cosmic ability to emit lights when they hovered around. The
unique thing about this land was that every ghost had a distinct light it emitted. For instance, Kubi emitted darkish-crimson lights which annoyed other ghosts. Oliver on the other hand emitted brownish-greenish lights which was extremely irritating when a ghosts begin thinking about Earthly
pleasures.
“Sweet Jesus! If Felix’s family could afford a $20,000 coffin then I have extremely been shortchanged” Oliver gasped.
“To be honest, I was very shocked to see your highfalutin coffin emerge from the ground. You see, when you were dying, I helped in fast tracking your death so that I could share your coffin with you and I—“
“Hold your horses Kubi! You want to tell me you killed me?”
“Technically!” Kubi replied running his (talons) fingernails on his chest.
“Didn’t you know I had ---“
“To sleep with Maame Kay” Kubi concluded the statement for his comrade.
“At least you should have let me sleep with Maame Kay first! Do you know how much I invested in her?” he screamed pacing up in down in the sordid darkness.
“Consider it as a sunk cost” Kubi smiled.
“Why should I? I believe you hate me.”
“No please! Remember when we were young I told you I was going to sleep with more women than you?”
“I remember but what has it got to do with Maame Kay?”
“Good! It so happened that you were two women and three children away from equaling my record. You had slept with ninety eight women and had twenty children out of which thirteen were rejected by you and guess what? You were only thirty three! Now check my record, I slept with hundred women at age thirty two, I had twenty three children and aided in aborting many. So I didn’t want you to beat my record.” He smiled.
Oliver opened his mouth in disbelief “Ninety eight!”
“Close your mouth and yes ninety eight women. Since you weren’t counting, I stopped to count for you. When you were in transition to this place, I overheard your children insulting you mercilessly. If you had heard some of their insults they hurled at you, you would have wished you were here earlier. So now before you cry, can I sleep by your side in your coffin?”
“And what happened to yours?”
“Because I was an irresponsible man, I was buried with none. In fact, no one knows I am here. I died while having sex and this prostitute not wanting to get into trouble dug a hole and buried me in it. I died at age thirty two and no one cared to look for me, not even you, so I was buried with none. Every day, I have to beg other ghost in order to sleep by their sides. At times, no one wants to share his coffin because they say I snore and you can imagine what these cruel winds do to my lungs.”
“So how did you get here in the first place?”
“The prostitute buried me with three packs of unused condoms. I can give you some by the way.”
“Do ghosts have sex?”
“Sadly no. This is why I keep missing Earth. Trust me, when you wake up with an erection, you would understand.
“Hmmm, Kubi! I was shocked when those fools placed me in this ugly thing they call a coffin! How could they do this to me? After all the money I left behind, they couldn’t buy me a coffin made of gold? Good riddance! Look
at that useless handle! I swear if I should ever go back to life I would slap my children to their senses” Oliver replied his friend.
“Do you know when Felix died his family bought him a coffin worth $20,000? Do you also know that Monica’s coffin cost $25,000?” Kubi retorted holding his best friend’s hand. Oliver had died a month ago and his family gave him a poorly organised funeral.
The land of the dead was a dark and gravity-defying world lined up with darker bulbs. The lights that brightened the place came from sad ghosts who floated around waiting for loved ones who had refused to die. The ghosts had the cosmic ability to emit lights when they hovered around. The
unique thing about this land was that every ghost had a distinct light it emitted. For instance, Kubi emitted darkish-crimson lights which annoyed other ghosts. Oliver on the other hand emitted brownish-greenish lights which was extremely irritating when a ghosts begin thinking about Earthly
pleasures.
“Sweet Jesus! If Felix’s family could afford a $20,000 coffin then I have extremely been shortchanged” Oliver gasped.
“To be honest, I was very shocked to see your highfalutin coffin emerge from the ground. You see, when you were dying, I helped in fast tracking your death so that I could share your coffin with you and I—“
“Hold your horses Kubi! You want to tell me you killed me?”
“Technically!” Kubi replied running his (talons) fingernails on his chest.
“Didn’t you know I had ---“
“To sleep with Maame Kay” Kubi concluded the statement for his comrade.
“At least you should have let me sleep with Maame Kay first! Do you know how much I invested in her?” he screamed pacing up in down in the sordid darkness.
“Consider it as a sunk cost” Kubi smiled.
“Why should I? I believe you hate me.”
“No please! Remember when we were young I told you I was going to sleep with more women than you?”
“I remember but what has it got to do with Maame Kay?”
“Good! It so happened that you were two women and three children away from equaling my record. You had slept with ninety eight women and had twenty children out of which thirteen were rejected by you and guess what? You were only thirty three! Now check my record, I slept with hundred women at age thirty two, I had twenty three children and aided in aborting many. So I didn’t want you to beat my record.” He smiled.
Oliver opened his mouth in disbelief “Ninety eight!”
“Close your mouth and yes ninety eight women. Since you weren’t counting, I stopped to count for you. When you were in transition to this place, I overheard your children insulting you mercilessly. If you had heard some of their insults they hurled at you, you would have wished you were here earlier. So now before you cry, can I sleep by your side in your coffin?”
“And what happened to yours?”
“Because I was an irresponsible man, I was buried with none. In fact, no one knows I am here. I died while having sex and this prostitute not wanting to get into trouble dug a hole and buried me in it. I died at age thirty two and no one cared to look for me, not even you, so I was buried with none. Every day, I have to beg other ghost in order to sleep by their sides. At times, no one wants to share his coffin because they say I snore and you can imagine what these cruel winds do to my lungs.”
“So how did you get here in the first place?”
“The prostitute buried me with three packs of unused condoms. I can give you some by the way.”
“Do ghosts have sex?”
“Sadly no. This is why I keep missing Earth. Trust me, when you wake up with an erection, you would understand.
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